Loving Someone

“Loving someone is a process. Whether that’s God, or that’s another sticky human, it’s a process. The movies will say it’s something different but— no matter how instant that first draw to someone is— love is a building process. It’s doors unlocking. It’s windows breaking. It’s the discovery of new rooms inside of yourself. It’s the dark. And it’s the light. And it’s dark and light all scrambled into one. At the root of it, it’s a slow, trusting, building process that starts with letting someone in.”

-Hannah Brencher http://hannahbrencher.com/2014/06/12/little-thing/

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For Women Who Are ‘Difficult’ to Love

This Poem. Is Everything.

For Women Who Are ‘Difficult’ to Love

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

~Warsan Shire

She made herself promise

“That was the day she made herself promise to live more from intention and less from habit.”

A wonderful friend gave me some real-talk this week. I needed it. For the last two years I’ve let my personal life slide. My habits have become something that conflict with my values. I’ve put all of my energy into work and school and have been coasting in the personal relationships of my life. I am someone who has strong ethics and morals and live by them professionally and academically. Personally, I’ve become apathetic. After the talk with my friend, I realized just how far my actions in my personal life had strayed. All you can do is move forward with more intention. I plan on living my life (in all areas) aligned more closely with my values. You get what you give, and if I hope to ever be in a meaningful relationship again, I have to start caring about my actions and the quality of relationships I am pursuing. It’s easy to go on auto-pilot, but that can lead to hurting people. I want to live an authentic, honest, and fulfilling  life. I’m going to start pursuing relationships not with a short-term mindset, but start pursuing them based on my long-term goals.

I now know…

I am not compatible with a man….

who is obsessed with weed, rock climbing, Burning Man or the Yankees. (I have no problem with these things in moderation…but obsession is another thing)

who is from New Jersey. (enough said)

who got his degree in philosophy or library science. (and I’m getting my degree in Library and Information Science)

I can’t wait to find out what else I don’t want in a man as my hapless dating/relationship adventures continue. It’s all a great experiment to see if you can identify the elements that will magically combine and create your mate.

A string of thoughts…

I came across these quotes recently, and it’s as if they formed a complete thought made just for me. I am always thankful for the wisdom of others.

“People have a hard time letting of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh

“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”

~The Little Prince

THIS QUOTE {is me}

“A serious girl, when she finds someone who calms her spirit and quiets her busy thoughts, will love you so fiercely, it will defy even her own logic and reasoning.”

~unknown